


Pit Madness

by jayphrodite



Series: The things he can't say [1]
Category: DC Extended Universe, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Jason Todd Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:20:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28053783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayphrodite/pseuds/jayphrodite
Summary: His vision cleared, Jason sat in the bathroom floor of his father’s house. Grabbing his mothers wrist softly, with the other hand hugging her torso, crying softly. He didn’t want to wake her up, she was just sleeping. On the bathroom floor, her heart not beating.
Series: The things he can't say [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054970
Kudos: 26





	Pit Madness

**Author's Note:**

> ive been in kind of a jason thing recently so here's a short drabble on Jason and his intake on grief and beliefs.

Jason Todd had never believed in God, in any god. As an orphan boy in the streets, a boy who rarely ate, a boy with nowhere to sleep, he didn’t have enough strength to hope it could get better. And believing in a god would mean that this was intentional, that his pain was causing someone humor.

And if he was being honest, at that point, it would have been pathetic to believe in a god, in someone that looked out for him, when everything he knew had gone to shits.  
In someone that moved things around to make this happen.

Mainly this is why Jason Todd didn’t believe in a heaven or hell. it would have been unrealistic to expect a place better, a place in which he’d be compensated for all the things he’d gone through. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.

And to believe in a place worse… A place where he could possibly end up in, it was useless, it was torture. It wasn’t Jason Todd.

So age nine, Jason Todd had come to a conclusion. _Do not think about death, about what might happen afterwards. Heaven, hell, purgatory, no. Don’t play with your mind like that. What comes after death will come after death._

So he ignored the subject, just for as long as he could. However, what brought him back to the thought wasn’t the joker beating him with the crowbar, several years later. It wasn’t his voice, his laugh, a manic laugh. It wasn’t the joker telling him that he was having so much fun, how weak Jason was. Not the swing of his arms, not him asking Jason which direction he liked getting hit.

It was when he hit him in the eye, when Jason knew that he was going to die. when he felt something in him crack, when he felt his own iris betraying him. His right eye, blind.

It was his right eye that brought him to think about what was going to happen next.

Was he going to go to hell, to heaven? Was there _even_ a hell, a heaven? Would he be reborn on earth as a punishment? Was it gonna to be a loop, until he breaks? Would he remember it, his life on the streets? His mom, who he couldn’t save, was he going to see her again?

It was the last question that made him stop fighting. Something he had never even considered before. His mom, could she be out there?

So Jason Todd let it take him, the pain that came with his right eye. It wasn’t peaceful, it wasn’t graceful, it wasn’t beautiful, him dying. It was heartbreaking, but he accepted it.

The next thing Jason remembers is light. Not a light ‘at the end of the tunnel’, nothing poetic like the shit-eating books he’d read in the manor. Light that consumed him, that seemed to strip away everything Jason once was.

He remembers a voice, a woman’s voice, his mom’s voice.

“I’m sorry, Jason,” she said. “I really am.”

His vision cleared, Jason sat in the bathroom floor of his father’s house. Grabbing his mothers wrist softly, with the other hand hugging her torso, crying softly. He didn’t want to wake her up, she was just sleeping.

On the bathroom floor, her heart not beating.

Like the light came to him, the darkness did as well. It was Jason’s last image, last memory. Whispering to his mom how everything was going to be okay, they were going to be okay.

Jason Todd opened his eyes, he couldn’t see anything. He’s wasn’t with his mother, he never had been. He feels a bandage over his eyes, he felt it when he snapped his eyes open. He can only think about his mothers words, how they were all wrong. His mom was never supposed to apologize to him. It was him that should have apologized to _her_.

Jason Todd opens his mouth, he screams. He chokes, he is underwater. Nobody can hear him, his mother can’t hear him.

He recollects his senses, he tries raising his head. He is panicking, yet he’s not doing anything.

He feels it now, something coming back to him. He can feel his legs, his arms. He raises his head, raises his torso. He feels new, repaired, reborn. He inhales, yet it feels so unnecessary. He remembers his mothers words to him.

“I’m sorry, Jason. I really am.”

Jason screams, and it feels so foreign. He whispers, “I’m sorry, mom.” He really is.

Jason Todd reaches for his face, for the bandage covering his eyes. He tries to tear it, he can only take out a piece. He can see now, with both eyes. There is a man and a woman, but they’re not supposed to be there.

He’s not supposed to be there. He’s supposed to be with his mother, she must be around. This place, it was whatever came after death. His mother must be there.

Jason looks at the woman, he looks at the man, and he understands. His mother isn’t here.

The name of the moments after is something only Jason knows, it’s something that he hasn’t bothered to tell anyone. They all gave it a name, anyways.

They call it pit madness.  
Jason Todd calls it grief.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAA ITS REALLY SHORT but i really liked writing it so yes. If you have any questions, or like this piece, you can find more on my tumblr, @woahjaybird, with the writing tag 'lunatick'


End file.
